The Day I Realized Work Was Stealing My Family
It was 6:47 p.m. on a Tuesday evening. My son had just finished his game, and we were sitting in the car heading home. He was excitedly telling me about winning the game, and I was… checking my email.
Not just glancing at it. Fully absorbed in it. Reading a message from a client about a project deadline, my fingers already composing a response in my head while my son’s voice became background noise.
He stopped talking mid-sentence. I didn’t notice until he said, “Dad, you’re not listening.”
That moment hit me harder than any business failure ever could.
As someone who founded multiple platforms—DaddyNewbie.com, DadSpotlight.com, The Raven Media Group, and NM Football Academy—I’ve built my career on understanding what matters to families. Yet here I was, letting the very thing I was trying to help other dads avoid: the digital invasion of family time.
That night, I made a decision. I was going to reclaim my family time from the tyranny of notifications, emails, and the constant pull of digital work. And I’m going to share exactly how I did it, because I know I’m not alone in this struggle.
The Problem: How Digital Work Invaded My Family Time
Before we talk solutions, let’s be honest about the problem.
The statistics are staggering. Americans check their phones an average of 144 times per day—roughly once every 10 minutes during waking hours. More than 56% of Americans admit to being addicted to their phones. And here’s the kicker: 44% of adults report anxiety when they can’t access their phones.
For dads running businesses or managing demanding careers, the problem is exponentially worse. Work doesn’t stay at the office anymore. It lives in your pocket. It buzzes on your wrist. It pings on your laptop. It follows you to dinner, to your kids’ games, to bedtime.
The research on work-family boundaries is clear: when work bleeds into family time, everyone suffers. Your stress increases. Your relationships suffer. Your kids learn that they’re not your priority. And ironically, your work performance actually decreases because you’re never fully present anywhere.
I was experiencing all of this. I’d be physically present with my family but mentally at work. My kids could sense it. My wife could sense it. And the worst part? I wasn’t even doing good work—I was just anxious about work while failing to be present with the people I loved most.
The Root Cause: Why Digital Boundaries Are So Hard
Here’s what I discovered: setting digital boundaries isn’t just about willpower. It’s about understanding why the boundaries keep breaking down.
Technology is designed to be addictive. Apps, notifications, and work platforms are engineered to capture your attention and keep it. Every ping, every notification, every red badge on an app is a micro-reward that trains your brain to seek more stimulation.
Work culture expects constant availability. In my experience running multiple businesses, there’s an unspoken expectation that you should be “always on.” Clients expect quick responses. Team members expect you to be reachable. And if you’re not responding, there’s an implicit message that you’re not committed.
We feel guilty about disconnecting. As dads, we often feel like we need to prove we’re serious about our work. Taking time away from work—truly away, not just physically present while mentally checking emails—feels irresponsible.
The boundaries aren’t clear. When you work from home or run your own business, the line between work and home becomes blurry. Your office is in your house. Your work phone is the same device you use to text your wife. There’s no commute to mark the transition between work and home.
Understanding these root causes was crucial for me. I couldn’t just “try harder” to ignore my phone. I needed to redesign my environment and my systems to make boundaries the path of least resistance.
Strategy 1: Define Your Non-Negotiables
The first thing I did was get crystal clear on what I was protecting.
I sat down and asked myself: What does success look like for my family in this season of life?
Not in five years. Not in some idealized future. Right now.
For me, the answer was:
- Being fully present at dinner with my family
- Attending my kids’ games and events without checking my phone
- Having one-on-one time with each child every week
- Being mentally available when my family needed to talk
- Not working after 7 p.m. on weeknights
These became my non-negotiables. Not suggestions. Not ideals. Non-negotiables—things I would protect no matter what.
Here’s why this matters: When you have clear non-negotiables, you can make decisions quickly. When a work request comes in at 6 p.m., you don’t have to deliberate. You already know: “This conflicts with my non-negotiable family dinner time. I’ll handle it after 8 p.m.”
The key is being specific. “Spend time with family” is too vague. “Be fully present at dinner without my phone” is specific and actionable.
Your non-negotiables might be different from mine. Maybe you need to be available for early morning calls with an international team. That’s fine—just be intentional about it. Maybe you have a demanding job that requires evening work some nights. That’s okay—just decide which nights and protect the others.
The point is: you decide what matters, and you protect it fiercely.
Strategy 2: Create Physical and Temporal Boundaries
Once I knew what I was protecting, I needed to create systems that made it easy to maintain those boundaries.
The Phone Dock Strategy
I created a “phone dock”—a specific place in my home where my work phone lives during family time. Not upstairs in my office. Not on the counter where I can see it. In a drawer in the kitchen, out of sight.
This simple physical boundary had a profound effect. When my phone isn’t visible, I don’t think about it. Research shows that the mere presence of a smartphone—even turned off and face-down—draws on our cognitive resources and reduces our ability to focus. By removing it from my environment, I freed up mental energy to be present with my family.
The Work Hours Boundary
I established specific work hours: 6 a.m. to 6 p.m., Monday through Friday. After 6 p.m., I don’t check work email or messages.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But I have urgent deadlines. I have clients in different time zones. I can’t just stop working at 6 p.m.”
Here’s what I learned: You can be more selective about what’s truly urgent.
Before I set this boundary, I thought everything was urgent. Once I committed to the boundary, I realized that 95% of what felt urgent could wait until morning. The truly urgent items? I handle those before 6 p.m. or I’ve set up systems (like an auto-responder) that let people know I’ll respond first thing in the morning.
And here’s the surprising part: my clients and team actually respect this boundary more than I expected. Why? Because I’m consistent. They plan accordingly.
The Transition Ritual
I created a transition ritual that marks the shift from work to family time. At 6 p.m., I:
- Close my laptop
- Put my phone in the dock
- Take three deep breaths
- Ask my family, “What happened in your day today?”
This 5-minute ritual signals to my brain and my family that work is over. I’m fully here now.
Research shows that transition rituals are crucial for work-life boundaries, especially when working from home. Without a clear transition, your brain stays in work mode even when you’re physically with your family.
Strategy 3: Use Technology to Enforce Boundaries
I know this sounds ironic—using technology to set boundaries against technology—but it works.
Notification Management
I turned off almost all notifications on my phone. Not silent mode (which research shows actually increases phone-checking behavior). I actually disabled notifications.
For work-critical items, I set up a whitelist: only calls from my wife and a few key team members come through. Everything else can wait.
This single change reduced my phone-checking by about 70%. When your phone isn’t constantly buzzing and pinging, you stop reaching for it.
Calendar Blocking
I block my calendar for family time just like I would for a client meeting. From 6 p.m. to 8 p.m., my calendar shows “Family Time – Do Not Schedule.” My team knows not to book meetings during this time.
I also block time for focused work. From 8 a.m. to 10 a.m., I do my most important work—the work that requires deep focus. During this time, I close Slack, turn off email notifications, and work on one thing only.
Auto-Responders and Scheduled Messages
I set up email auto-responders that let people know my work hours and when they can expect a response. This manages expectations and reduces the pressure to respond immediately.
I also use the “schedule send” feature in email to write messages when it’s convenient for me but send them during business hours. This makes it look like I’m always working, when really I’m just being strategic about when I write versus when I send.
App Blockers
I use app-blocking software that prevents me from accessing email and work apps after 6 p.m. It’s not about willpower—it’s about making the wrong choice impossible.
Strategy 4: Communicate Your Boundaries Clearly
Here’s something I learned the hard way: boundaries don’t work if nobody knows about them.
I had to have explicit conversations with:
My team: I told them my work hours and explained why. I said, “I’m more productive and creative when I have clear boundaries. You’ll get better work from me if I’m not burned out. So I’m not available after 6 p.m. on weeknights, but I’m fully present and focused during work hours.”
Most of my team actually respected this more than I expected. Some even said it motivated them to set their own boundaries.
My clients: I was confident, not apologetic, about my hours. I didn’t say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t respond after 6 p.m.” I said, “I’m available Monday-Friday, 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. I’ll respond to all messages within 24 business hours.”
My family: This was crucial. I told my family, “From 6 to 8 p.m., I’m fully yours. No phone. No work. Just us.” And I kept that promise consistently.
The key is consistency. If you set a boundary and then break it, people will stop respecting it. But if you set a boundary and maintain it 95% of the time, people will work around it.
Strategy 5: Create Family Rituals That Protect Family Time
Boundaries are easier to maintain when you fill the protected time with something meaningful.
I created specific family rituals:
Dinner Together: We eat dinner as a family every night (except when work absolutely requires otherwise). No phones at the table. No screens. Just conversation.
We use conversation starters like “High, Low, and Buffalo”—each person shares the high point of their day, the low point, and a “buffalo” (anything else they want to share). This creates meaningful connection and gives me insight into what’s happening in my kids’ lives.
One-on-One Time: I schedule one-on-one time with each child every week. These are non-negotiable appointments on my calendar.
During this time, I’m fully present. No phone. No distractions. Just me and my child doing something they enjoy.
Family Game Night: Every Friday night, we play board games or card games together. This is protected time. Work doesn’t happen. Phones don’t come out. We’re just together.
Bedtime Routine: I read to my kids before bed. This is a sacred ritual. It’s the last thing I do before I allow myself to check work email in the evening (if needed).
These rituals serve two purposes: they fill family time with meaningful connection, and they create natural stopping points for work. When you know you have a family ritual coming up, it’s easier to wrap up work and transition.
Strategy 6: Address the Guilt
Let me be honest: setting boundaries felt selfish at first.
I’d be at dinner with my family, phone in the other room, and I’d think, “What if there’s an urgent email? What if a client needs me? What if I’m letting my team down?”
The guilt was real.
But here’s what I discovered: the guilt was based on a false premise. The premise was that my constant availability made me a better professional. It didn’t. It made me a worse professional because I was burned out, distracted, and not doing my best work.
I also realized something crucial: my kids don’t care how successful my business is. They care that I’m present. They care that I listen to them. They care that I show up for their games and their moments.
In my work with AMoneyGeek.com on family financial literacy, I’ve learned that financial security matters. But you know what matters more? A present parent. A parent who’s emotionally available. A parent who remembers the details of their kids’ lives.
If you’re struggling with guilt about setting boundaries, ask yourself: What am I actually protecting? You’re protecting your relationship with your family. You’re protecting your mental health. You’re protecting your ability to do good work. These aren’t selfish things. They’re essential things.
Strategy 7: Handle the Pushback
Not everyone will respect your boundaries immediately.
Some clients will email you at 7 p.m. and expect a response. Some colleagues will message you on weekends. Some family members might not understand why you’re not available.
Here’s how I handle pushback:
For clients: I respond the next business day with a friendly message: “Thanks for reaching out. I received your message at 7 p.m. and will address it first thing tomorrow morning. I’m committed to giving you my best work, which means I protect time to recharge. I’ll have a full response for you by 9 a.m.”
Most clients appreciate this. They see that I’m professional and reliable, just not available 24/7.
For colleagues: I’ve had conversations with my team about my boundaries. I’ve explained that I’m more productive with clear work hours. I’ve also made sure that truly urgent matters can reach me (through a specific channel), but routine matters wait.
For family members who don’t understand: I’ve had to be patient and consistent. After a few months of consistency, they got it. Now they know not to call during that time.
The key is: don’t apologize for your boundaries. Explain them, maintain them, and let people adjust.
Strategy 8: Build in Flexibility
Here’s something important: boundaries don’t mean rigidity.
There will be times when work genuinely requires you to be available outside your normal hours. A crisis happens. A deadline moves up. A client has an emergency.
When this happens, I:
- Handle it. I don’t let my boundary prevent me from doing what’s necessary.
- Be transparent. I tell my family, “I need to handle something work-related tonight. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.”
- Make it up. The next day or that weekend, I give extra attention to family time.
- Return to the boundary. Once the crisis passes, I go back to my normal boundaries.
The boundary isn’t about being inflexible. It’s about being intentional. Most of the time, you protect family time. But when something truly requires your attention, you handle it and then return to your boundaries.
Strategy 9: Measure and Adjust
Every month, I check in with myself: Are my boundaries working?
I ask:
- Am I actually protecting family time?
- Is my family happier?
- Am I less stressed?
- Is my work suffering?
- What’s working well?
- What needs adjustment?
Based on these reflections, I adjust. Maybe I realize I need to block more time for focused work. Maybe I realize I’m being too rigid about something. Maybe I realize a boundary isn’t serving me anymore.
Boundaries aren’t static. They evolve as your life changes. When my kids were younger, my boundaries looked different than they do now. As my business has grown, I’ve had to adjust.
The key is: regularly evaluate and adjust based on what’s actually working for your family and your life.
The Results: What Changed When I Set Boundaries
It’s been two years since I made the commitment to set digital boundaries. Here’s what’s different:
My family is happier. My kids actually look forward to dinner now. My wife says I’m more present. We have real conversations instead of me being physically there but mentally elsewhere.
My work is better. When I’m working, I’m fully focused. I get more done in 8 focused hours than I used to get done in 12 distracted hours. My clients notice the quality improvement.
I’m less stressed. I used to feel like I was always “on,” always available, always anxious about what I might be missing. Now I have clear work time and clear family time. The anxiety is gone.
My kids are learning healthy boundaries. By modeling this behavior, I’m teaching my children that it’s okay to disconnect. It’s okay to have boundaries. It’s okay to prioritize relationships over constant productivity.
My relationship is stronger. We’re not just coordinating logistics. We’re connecting as partners.
The Bigger Picture: Why This Matters
As someone who founded platforms dedicated to helping dads, I’ve learned that the biggest challenge modern fathers face isn’t financial or logistical. It’s the invasion of work into family time.
Technology promised to make our lives easier. In some ways, it has. But it’s also created a situation where work is always with us, always demanding our attention, always pulling us away from what matters most.
Setting digital boundaries isn’t about rejecting technology or being anti-work. It’s about being intentional. It’s about deciding that your family time is sacred and protecting it fiercely.
When you do this, everything changes. Your relationships improve. Your work improves. Your mental health improves. Your kids grow up knowing they’re your priority.
Your Action Plan: Starting Today
You don’t need to overhaul your entire life. Start small.
This week:
- Define your non-negotiables (what are you protecting?)
- Choose one boundary to implement (maybe it’s no phones at dinner)
- Tell your family about it
Next week:
- Add a second boundary (maybe it’s no work email after 6 p.m.)
- Create a transition ritual
- Set up one technology tool (like an auto-responder)
The following week:
- Add a family ritual (like dinner conversation or game night)
- Have a conversation with your team about your boundaries
- Evaluate how it’s working
Small, consistent changes compound. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be intentional.
Final Thoughts: It’s Worth It
I won’t lie to you: setting boundaries is hard. It requires saying no. It requires disappointing people sometimes. It requires trusting that the world won’t fall apart if you’re not available 24/7.
But here’s what I know: your kids will only be young once. Your family will only have this season of life once. The emails will always be there. The work will always be there. But this moment—this dinner, this game, this conversation—will never come again.
That’s worth protecting.
That’s worth setting boundaries for.
That’s worth being intentional about.
Your family is waiting. Put the phone down. Be present. It’s the best decision you’ll ever make.
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